talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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