I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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