Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
