I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
