Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
