they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
