the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
