So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
