he thought i was a dude.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
