Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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