yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
