he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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