Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
