I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
