i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
