I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize