he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
