I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
