About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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