Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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