I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
