I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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