I faked an abortion last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
