how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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