Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
