Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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