while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
PANTIES FOUND
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