how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
