yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The air was thick with penises
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
