Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
