It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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