Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
