If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
