Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
