I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
