I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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