Your dad touched me again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
