What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
