glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize