I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
