You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
