she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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