I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
