Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
PANTIES FOUND
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