I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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