So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
