I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
