What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize