if only i could text you this smell
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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