We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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