And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize