i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
