Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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