onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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