Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
