After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
