I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
