Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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