There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
