He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
