i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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