Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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