Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
