I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
