The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
