I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
